Ryan and I attended a breastfeeding class yesterday. As Ryan put it, “magical.”
I think he might have been joking…but then again, we both agreed the class had been eye-opening and encouraging. And there was something special, something magical even, about sitting in a room with six other pregnant women, our bellies in varying stages of distention. We had our partners at our side, our hands on our stomachs, as we talked about what it meant to give our growing babies nurturence once they left our wombs.
And isn’t it amazing how we, women, go from such competent care-takers (baby inside belly) to flustered and awkward new mamas (baby outside belly)?
I, for one, am so thankful for all the resources available to new moms. The classes, the conversations, the online forums, and the wisdom handed down from one mother to one daughter, generation after generation.
Ryan and I learned that when Lucy finally arrives, she’ll want one thing above any other: food. And because babies are amazing creatures, she’ll be able to find her way to my breast, latch on, and grow into the child she’s meant to be. How incredible.
But as I think about our daughter and how simple yet beautiful that exchange will be, I’m also struck by how complicated life gets once you leave your mother’s breast. How easy it is to hurt those you love. How quickly life can turn from safe to scary. We go from babies who need just three simple things (food, comfort, and warmth) to adults who, no matter how hard we try, are never truly satisfied.
I have to admit that I foolishly thought having a baby would ease the pain and dissatisfaction in my own heart. And in some ways, the miracle of Lucy’s existence has healed me. But this baby can’t bring back my sister, or remove the pain of losing two family members to suicide. She can’t undo all the ills I’ve done or all the wounds I’ve received at the hands of others.
And so I’m finding, just like a newborn baby, that there is only one person, one being, who can touch the deepest and most primal needs of my soul. In the quiet moments, in the dark moments, I’ve found the still, soft voice of Someone Beyond (yet always nearby). And like a baby with its mother, I let myself receive all that is being so generously given. Without question. Without explanation.
(And yes, these rolls are as good as they look. No breast milk required)
Buttermilk Wheat Rolls
Yields: 24 rolls
1/2 cup lukewarm water
2 cups warm buttermilk ( 100 – 110°F)
3 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon salt
2 1/2 tablespoons yeast, instant preferred
5 cups all-purpose flour
1-2 cups whole wheat flour
Combine the water, buttermilk, butter, sugar, salt and yeast in a large bowl, or the bowl of your stand mixer. Stir well and let sit for 6 to 8 minutes, or until you see the yeast begin to foam.
Add 5 cups of all-purpose flour and mix by hand or with the paddle attachment until the dough forms a rough, shaggy mass. The dough will not form a ball at this point, but will be just shy of coming together.
Add whole wheat flour, 1/2 cup at a time and blend with the dough hook until a smooth ball begins to form. Knead by hand for about 10 minutes, or by machine for 4 to 5 minutes until a soft, smooth ball of dough is formed. The dough should feel elastic and slightly tacky to the touch.
Lightly spray your work bowl with cooking spray and place the dough in the bowl. Spritz the top of the dough with spray as well and cover lightly with plastic wrap or a shower cap. Let rise for 20 minutes at room temperature or until the dough is full and puffy.
Gently deflate the dough and pat out to a rough rectangle about 8 inches by 12 inches. Cut the dough into 4 long strips, then cut each strip into 6 portions for a total of 24 dough balls. Shape each dough ball into three smaller balls. Place three balls in a well-greased muffin tin (you will need two muffin pans for a total of 24 rolls).
Cover loosely with plastic wrap and allow to rise until rounded and puffy. Meanwhile, preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Bake rolls in preheated oven for 20 minutes, or until just golden brown. Rolls can be brushed with melted butter while cooling.
Yum! I love rolls, and haven’t made any in a while. I have to add baking yeast to my grocery list, and get back to baking.
You are just glowing, my friend! Love that you’re sharing snippets of your pregnancy story through your recipes.
I love the title of this post! 🙂
I’m also thrilled that there are tons of resources out there for new moms, and I look forward to using them myself someday. Thank you, Monet, for sharing the good AND the not-as-good parts of your pregnancy, including the insecurities – it makes me feel better about my own future. And, as always, you look gorgeous 🙂
Enjoy these beautiful rolls!
You are going to make one hell of a mother. There is no doubt that this child will be loved and will have two wonderfully supportive parents. And you have such a strong connection to your family, probably more so than others due to everything that’s happened… and it will bring that into your child’s life as well.
Wishing you a great week, my friend.
Makes you want to keep them safely inside your womb for always, doesn’t it?
Pregnancy is healing. When my husband died in a fire the night our only child was born, I was given two profound statements that have stayed with me these 25 years since: from a relative, “The LORD giveth, and the LORD taketh away; blessed be the Name of the LORD”; and from a friend, “Babies are God’s way of saying the world must go on.” May Lucy bring more healing through all her years to those still-bleeding and forever-tender wounds you carry.
oh bella, about two 1/2 years ago, when I was a brand spankin new blogger, about to type my 4th post with thoughts and reflections for my Sophia, I remember similar feelings so vividly. I had no idea even then, how much God would use my children to teach me things that I am certain I may not have been able to fully grasp had I not become a parent. Very profound things. And to this day, I am still amazed at how just as I am teaching them, nurturing them, training them, developing them, they are being used to teach me. One things for sure, you will have plenty of inspiration for writing, and how great it is to be on the receiving end for us who get to read – your wheat rolls look so cozy, so perfect with all this chilly weather.
These rolls look so lovely, Monet. Thanks for sharing your great recipe and all the information and insight you’re gaining as Lucy’s arrival gets closer!
I well remember the joy of feeding my newborn boys! A newborn is so dependent on the mother. They latch onto the breast and gaze into the mother’s eyes. Enjoy every minute of that time. Snatch a nap when you can because sleep is precious. The rolls look delicious! I hope you have a wonderful week.
Best,
Bonnie
You are really glowing in your pregnancy. One thing is absolutely certain, your little Lucy will help you thought the best and the worst times in your life. In December my husband of 16 years left me for another woman leaving me with a shattered heart and a broken soul. But every day I get out of bed to the smiling face of my little son. He has given me something to get up for. Children do that to you – their smiles and innocent chatter can heal the most broken of spirits. They are the best gift in the whole world.
Yumm!!! Am I the only boy reading your blog?
I don’t care as long as the stories are inspiring and there are yummy buttermilk wheat rolls to go with them.
I’ll jot it down and hand the recipe over to my mom, thanks for sharing.
Apart from this, all I can say is you’re gonna be a great mom to little Lucy and my heart goes out for what has happened to you and your family.
You’re way too inspiration and chirpy to be bogged down so easily. Be happy, my best wishes!
Aditya
Lucy is already the luckies little girl in the world! You are a wonderful mother already. I know having a baby makes you 100 percent vulnerable to all the scary things that can happen in life. But, with lots of love I think you are on the right track my friend. These rolls sound absolutely amazing!
At first, I was wondering if you baked with breastmilk. But then I was like “I don’t think she has any yet…”
These rolls look delicious. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about loss and new beginnings.
I’m enjoying reading all of your reflections of your pregnancy, the good, and the not so good, your hopes and reservations. For now, just deal with the things that are in your control, and bake wonderful rolls.
I’m sure you’ll love and enjoy the breastfeeding journey (though it can be tough at times!) Love those soft rolls…
Monet, another wonderful reflective blog post with a terrific recipe that I feel I should try out on the spot! The Buttermilk Rolls looks absolutely delicious – my family would love for me to bake some, I am sure. The weekend would be perfect for this baking project. And you look so wonderful and happy – what a great picture!
Take good care of yourself (and Lucy) and have a wonderful Tuesday!
My friend, you look so radiant and beautiful!!
Hate that I miss your announcement — anyways, congrats to you and your better half. Such good news 🙂
To add — I’m sure Lucy will be your sunshine in getting through any darkness that had befallen upon you and your family during trying times.
Hugs.
I like these buns, very nice recipe!!! And I like your picture… you look so happy.
Ciao.
Oh you are SO cute!! You are going to be a wonderful Mama! My little babe is now 8 months old and I am still breastfeeding! 😀 It’s the best thing for them… if you can, do it for as long as you can, with a dozen of these yummy wheat rolls by your side!! 🙂
Ok so I read the title and thought a brand new ingredient was about to hit the market…one I thought for sure I would avoid.
Then after reading your post I felt bad about having that juvenile thought.
Breastfeeding your child is one of the most rewarding things in the world. The connection you have and the bond that is built can not be made any other way.
Babies do know exactly what to do and together you will figure out how to satisfy all needs.
I think you will be a wonderful mother and Ryan and wonderful father.
The best to you both as your pregnancy progresses on.
Absolutely beautiful, and those biscuits are glowing too. GREG
Babies are amazing–and so are moms! And, what great-looking rolls. I love the shape of the rolls and the flecks of whole wheat.
These rolls look SO amazing. And it’s been fun to read your musings on pregnancy and motherhood – i can’t remember if I told you, but I’m pregnant, also with a girl, due just a week or two before you! =D
The rolls look good! I’m trying to get around to baking more bread on my own, especially the whole wheat stuff. Great nutrition for Lucy. 🙂
Mmmm I love your wheat rolls my friend, healthy and so fluffy 😀
Cheers
Choc Chip Uru
Hi Monet,
The rolls looks perfectly baked!
I hope you’ll enjoy breastfeeding as much as I’m sure Baby Lucy will enjoy receiving all the love and nurturing from her mom!
Take care!
You and that belly are too cute!!!
“Buttermilk” wheat rolls! I read it wrong when I saw it quickly. =P Just kidding! I breastfed my two kids as long as I could, but I didn’t have enough just to feed breastmilk. I went crazy as I REALLY wanted to feed breastmilk only…I tried many methods too. It’s such a blessing to be able to feed breastmilk and good luck! If you don’t have enough like me, Lucy will be okay! My two kids have been healthy since baby. 🙂 Your wheat rolls look soft like baby cheeks! And Monet, you are beautiful!!
What lovely rolls to have for breakfast, lunch and dinner:D That is perfectly healthy I am sure:D Lovely!
You have such a lovely way of writing and I read every word riveted! 😀
The exchange you mention is not always simple. I by no means want to ruin your image of motherhood and those magical first months, because they truly are magical, but breastfeeding does not always come as naturally as you would expect. It is a taxing, 24/7 job, and can lead to tears of frustration, exhaustion and sometimes pain. It makes you feel special and unique yet can also make you feel primal and reminds you that we are truly animals.
Once again, I do not want to ruin a rosy picture, and for some it works out wonderfully from the first moment, but I wish more new mothers had let me in on the this well-guarded secret because in my times of difficulty and pain it would have made me feel much less inadequate. Whether you can/decide to breastfeed or not, remember that the most important thing is that you are serene about your decision because that is what you transmit to your child. And that is all that matters.
that is a gorgeous photo of you, pregnancy really suits you you’re absolutely glowing! sounds like you’re getting super organised and informed about for the next few months! these rolls look gorgeous!
Love the title! And it’s great to learn that breastmilk is not needed for this yummy looking rolls! Lol! The shape of these rolls are great and they look so soft! It’s nice that there is a breastfeeding class where you live, I don’t have that chance here and I’m so curious about it, I am already in my 28th week! I wonder if I will be able to do it right way!
This post is just so accurate. You’ll never be the same again but it just keeps getting better. I will echo all the comments above in saying you will make such a great mom 🙂
I’m happy to hear there is no breast milk in these tasty looking rolls. 😉 As for the pain you still feel, time will be the best healer. And once baby Lucy arrives, you will be so busy and engrossed with her that it will give you the time you need. All the best, always.
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