May 29, 2013
So yes, I’m still baking at 37 weeks. What else is new?
Cravings: Quesadillas. I think I’ve had a quesadilla everyday this week. Poor Ryan. I’m also still loving animal crackers and milk.
Health: We go see our OB today. We see her every week now! I’m hoping that I’ve dilated or the baby has dropped or something worth mentioning has happened. But these babies come on their own time, so I’m learning patience and trust. I bought a birth ball yesterday, and I’ve been bouncing on it and swaying my hips. The birth ball is WONDERFUL. I’m also feeling more hormonal than ever. At least that is what I’m blaming my mood swings on.
Fears: I haven’t been sleeping as well. I wake up anxious about the littlest and silliest things. It took everything in me not to get up at 2:30am and start working on projects around the house. Thankfully, Ryan held me and prayed over me, and I fell back to sleep. He’s been a champ.
Lucy: She likes to move her body now as there’s less room for her to move her legs. Ryan and I went to a movie the other night, and after a particularly exciting scene, my belly shifted completely to the right. (And yes, we became that annoying couple that starts laughing and whispering during a film). But honestly, Lucy had Matthew McConaughey beat. She loves hearing us talk to her, and we’re almost always successful at waking her up from a nap. A few gentle nudges and Ryan’s voice gets her moving on command. I can’t explain how excited I am to meet this baby. I visualize the moment again and again. I know it will be challenging and painful and stretching, but giving birth to her will be one of the most beautiful events of my life. I’m already claiming it.
June 5, 2013
And now for the fun part: 38 weeks pregnant!
Cravings: Banana walnut muffins. I haven’t been able to enjoy one of these yet. I’m very picky when it comes to baked good (surprise, surprise) and it’s been too hot to turn on my oven this week. Thankfully, Colorado Springs just experienced a drop in temperature, so I’m hoping to get my baking pans out this afternoon. Right now, I feel like I could eat half a dozen muffins.
Health: Lucy has dropped deep into my pelvis (which is part of the reason I feel so hungry…my stomach finally has room again!). I won’t get too graphic, but my body is progressing. Labor feels more and more imminent each day. Unfortunately, I found out I tested positive for Group B Strep last week. About 1 in 3 or 4 healthy women test positive. Group B Strep doesn’t cause problems for healthy adults but it can make babies very sick, so I’ll have to receive antibiotics during labor unless my body can clear the bacteria before then. When I envisioned my birth, I didn’t envision antibiotics, and so the news upset me (much more than it should have). But I learned over the course of this last week to let go more. To appreciate the miracle of what is happening and to understand that labor and delivery will be far different than what I want or expect. Of course, we still plan for a natural childbirth, but in the end, every women has to let go of her preconceived notions and let her body and her baby guide her. So Group B Strep turned out to be a good lesson for me. Sneaky bacteria.
The List: Ryan and I went to Boulder over the weekend. We enjoyed the farmer’s market, ate great food, and walked along Boulder Creek. We couldn’t have had a more perfect day. We also ate at a fancy restaurant (last night for Ryan’s birthday) with my sweet sister and brother-in-law. I still need to organize pictures from Paris, but Lucy’s nursery is completely finished, which means I’ve crossed off both frivolous and practical items from our pre-baby list.
Hopes: As I get closer to delivery, I find my fears abating. Instead, I’m filled with hope and a deep sense of joy. I imagine holding her for the first time. I imagine Ryan kissing her forehead. I imagine the quiet moments we’ll share in the middle of the night. Of course, I know that newborns are work. I know there will be days where I’m exhausted and frustrated and anxious. But I’m going to be a mother to a daughter, and Ryan will be a father to his sweet girl. She’ll delight us in ways that no other human being could, and we’ll all grow together, as a family and as individuals. I couldn’t be more thankful for the opportunity to bring all of this into our world.
June 12, 2013
99 Degrees and 39 weeks pregnant!
Cravings: Peanut butter and bananas are my new power food. Freshly pressed juices, hard-boiled eggs, and English muffins are also at the top of the list.
Health: Last week, my OB checked me and I was 3 centimeters dilated and 70% effaced. She told me, “You have a lovely cervix for a first time mom,” which I took as a compliment (although one I don’t entirely understand). My OB went out of town over the past weekend and so I hoped and prayed Lucy would wait until her return. Wait, she did, but now I feel like she won’t ever come out! I have almost constant braxton-hix contractions throughout the day, but nothing too painful. Two of my friends (with babies due around my due date) have welcomed their little ones into the world. I’m trying to not get impatient! My older sister Susanne’s first baby was 10 days late…so we’ll see what happens. I’m still walking and stretching and enjoying every movement of hers I feel inside me.
Fears: Fears have transitioned into manageable concerns. There is so much we don’t know (about labor and delivery, about parenthood), and yet I’m confident Ryan and I will handle each obstacle with love and grace. A huge forest fire erupted in Black Forest yesterday. My sister and her family were evacuated from their home, and we still have no idea if it’s standing. The fire is near the hospital, and there’s much concern throughout our community. Just last year, my parents nearly lost their house in the Waldo Canyon Fire. Lucy will be coming into the world at a very tumultuous time here. Please keep the people of Colorado in your prayers.
Hopes: There is a peony bush in our front yard. We haven’t done any landscaping since we moved into our new home, so this spring has brought surprise after surprise as bushes turn from brown to green. Just yesterday, the peony bush began to bloom and as I walked outside I told Lucy that the tiny pink flowers were blooming for her. I hope that Lucy learns to find beauty in this world, a world that can be unpredictable and often frightening. We’ll surround her with love and support as she grows from a newborn to a little girl, and we’ll take time to point out the small miracles that flood our days.
Ryan and I have completed nearly every item on our list. Now we’re just waiting. I’ve loved being pregnant, and I know I’ll miss her inside of me once her birthday finally comes. And so I’m taking each moment as a special gift and savoring these last few days we have together, as one.
June 14, 2013
I’ve been spending time with my family and friends, and I’ve been organizing every inch of my house. Not only did I make these soft and chewy peach cookies yesterday, but I put the finishing touches on Lucy’s nursery. So after a long week, a little dose of sweetness is bound to do everyone good.
I adore this letter pressed card. Too pretty to store in a box.
Baby book (completed and ready), a sweet picture of my mom, and two gifts made with love.
Someone’s new favorite place to nap.
Rocker and changing table (painted by my mom) and a precious quilt made by Ryan’s cousin.
June 19, 2013
And yes, the day has arrived. We’ve made it to 40 weeks.
Cravings: Chips and salsa. Ryan and I found a delicious salsa vendor at the farmer’s market. We are eating copious amounts of salsa. Pasta with marinara sauce and cheese. Hard-boiled eggs. Banana pancakes (still).
Health: For being 40 weeks pregnant, I feel amazing. I do have moments of discomfort (namely, getting out of bed), but for the majority of my day I feel strong and present. I’m walking mornings and evenings now, and the movement works out any kinks in my hips or back. My cervix is ready to go (according to the doctor) but we’re still waiting for those first “real” labor pains to begin. For the past few nights, I’ve felt the twinges of possibility. Cramps, longer contractions, etc…but then I fall asleep and wake up feeling fine. I have an induction date set for July 1st (eek) but we’re hoping and praying she’ll come on her own time.
Fears/Hopes: I feel more prepared for labor and delivery than I have throughout my pregnancy. And I can’t say it’s because I’ve obtained enough facts and tidbits of birthing knowledge. Instead, this confidence feels more primal. It’s as if my body is already beginning to take over, to push my “mind” and all of its anxiety aside. I know that our birthing experience will be different than what I imagine, but I also know that my body and her body are capable. Ryan and I woke up this morning and imagined how beautiful it will be to have our daughter resting between us. We imagined touching her tiny fingers, running our own weather-worn hands across her still perfect skin. There will be long nights and hard days but we’ll be living and breathing and growing together. It is an understatement to say we’re ready for her arrival.
Family: As I mentioned, my sweet little sister is arriving today. She’ll be in town until Saturday night, so we’re hoping that this baby decides to come soon. My mom and older sister are here in Colorado Springs, as is Ryan’s mom and brother. We’re thrilled to have the support and love of so many family members. In sad news, please keep Ryan’s cousin, Kevin, in your prayers. Sweet Kevin is in a coma after sustaining a brain injury due to an undiagnosed AVM. The prognosis has not been good, and we’re all heartbroken for him, his girlfriend, and his family. Kevin is only in his mid-twenties and has so much life to live. This terrible tragedy reminds me of the road we walked down in March of 2011. My oldest sister’s birthday is this Sunday. Pam passed away two years ago after a horrible car accident. So although we’re surrounded by the hope and joy of new life right now, we’re also reminded of its fragility.
I hope and pray that this will be my last pregnancy update. Next week, I could be sharing baby pictures! I want to thank you all for your love and support during this journey. Each message and comment brightens my day.
June 21, 2013
I’m 40 weeks + 2 days. Wildfires have filled our normally clean Colorado air with smoke. Walking is far less enjoyable when a) you feel like your stomach is about to burst and b) you can’t escape the smell of thousands of acres burning. Sleeping is also far less enjoyable when a) your house is a balmy 80 degrees due to no AC and the inability to open windows (smoke) and b) you’re 40 weeks + 2 days pregnant.
If it seems like I’m complaining here, you’re right.
But it doesn’t take me long to go back to early fall. To the weeks and the months that we waited and tried and hoped that somehow my body would “fix” itself and we would be able to conceive. It doesn’t take me long to remember that day in the fertility clinic, where we first saw our baby girl, a small blob on a grey screen. We had walked in that morning expecting to hear how much money it would cost to go through treatment…the likelihood of treatment working…and the toll treatment might take on my body. This would be the second fertility clinic we tried that year, and so we had a fairly good idea of what our initial appointment would look like. But instead, we walked out that morning with the secret knowledge that something miraculous had already started inside of me. It was and will always be the most perfect October day.
And so even though I’m sore and tired and grouchy this morning, I’m also thankful that each day holds the promise of a miracle.
June 24, 2013
I’m still here! 40 weeks + 5 days. I promised I’d post until baby came…but I’ve reached a point where I’m not baking nearly as much as I normally do. Instead, Ryan and I went swimming this weekend. We walked copious amounts. We found my new favorite coffee shop/bakery (more to come on this soon). And we even went to a wedding. I’m off to take a non stress test this morning to make sure baby is doing well. If she is, we’ll just keep on waiting. Thank you for all the love and support!
