2 months of Lucille Amelia

I’m in process of compiling all my baby/pregnancy posts. I realized about two weeks ago that I could have made my life FAR easier by separating my pregnancy updates from my recipes…but you live and learn! So if you’re interested in reading about my pregnancy, you can now click on one of the four links below. And if you’re not feeling up to picture after picture of my pregnant self today, they’ll always be available in my Recipe Index under Baby (where you can find Lucy’s birth story too!).

And now onto Miss Lucille. It’s hard to believe that she’s already 2 months old! Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was waddling around, 40 weeks + 5 days, praying that this baby would come out? But then again, it’s now hard to imagine life without her.

Lucy is over 12 pounds now. She’s gained 4 pounds (all breastmilk) since delivery! Even though we had a few hard weeks of nursing, I’m grateful we stuck with it. Feeding her has easily become my favorite part of the day. I love the way her hand strokes my side as she nurses. The tiny scratch marks on my chest are reminders of the sweet times we share together. I love how my boobs (still tiny as ever) can miraculously get her to calm down. NO MATTER WHAT. And I love the way her eyes begin to droop after a few minutes of steady nursing. There is nothing like lulling a baby to sleep (especially after a morning of fussing).

But the best part of this last month has easily been watching Lucille smile. She recognizes Ryan and me now, which means we get big grins when we come into her view. I LOVE BABY SMILES. More than most anything in the world.

We walk everyday together. I snuggle her into the Moby Wrap and we take off before the sun gets strong. I think we’re walking at least two miles a day. She falls asleep as soon as we leave our block, listening to my heartbeat and enjoying the gentle rhythm of my pace. We also spend ample time with our sweet families. Grandma and Mimi take the cake. They see Lucy every week, if not more, and she loves being held by our sweet mamas.

Lucy also loves hearing her dad sing, and takes special delight in the Sunday School classic: This Little Light of Mine. Margot is still her biggest fan (besides Mom, Dad, Grandma, and Mimi, of course) and couldn’t be more protective. So yes, we are all happy and healthy and thankful for these two months of joy.

Monet

Anecdotes and Apple Cores

Skillet Apple Tart with Brown Butter Caramel

I am 8 weeks postpartum and learning to love my new body. I’ve already gotten back to my pre-pregnancy weight (oh the miracles of breastfeeding) but I’ve realized that certain parts of my body will never be the same. And this is more than okay. My stomach is no longer flat (because it carried a human being inside of it). My breasts will likely sag (because they fed another human being for 8 weeks, 6 months, 1 year). My hips are wider (because they had to open up to let my daughter come into the world). And there are stretch marks, battle wounds, that will always remind me of how strong I am.

I enjoy exercising now that I’ve gotten the okay from my doctor, but I do it because it makes me feel good (not because I need to look like I did before I had our baby). I’m learning that loving this new body will teach my daughter to love her own (in all of its forms and stages.)

I haven’t always had the healthiest relationship with food, and I know there are lists, miles long, of foods that one should or should not eat. These lists are especially prevalent in the lives of women. I used to know them, and follow them well.

Ryan and I try to lead healthy lives. We eat more vegetables than any other food group. We haven’t ordered fast food in over three years. Sprouted grains. Organic meat. Pink Lady apples with thick globs of almond butter. But if I’ve learned anything about food it’s this: everything should be enjoyed in moderation.

And so yes, as you well know, I make and eat dessert. Not every night. Not even every week. But when I do, it’s good and it’s made with love and it’s shared with friends and family. Because I want Lucy to learn how to love her body and to enjoy something like this–a caramel apple tart. Or a croissant in Paris. Or a glass of wine with a bar of dark chocolate split between friends.

So here’s to dessert and bodies that are less than perfect but strong with love.

Skillet Apple Tart with Brown Butter Caramel

1 sheet frozen puff pastry, thawed (1/2 of 17.3 ounce package)

3 apples, peeled, cored and quartered

1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar

1 teaspoon McCormick® Gourmet Collection Roasted Saigon Cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon McCormick® Gourmet Collection Nutmeg, Ground

3 tablespoons butter

1 tablespoon heavy cream

1 teaspoon McCormick® Pure Vanilla Extract

Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit. Place puff pastry sheet on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet. Cut 4 (3/4-inch) strips evenly around the puff pastry with small knife. Place strips along the edge of the pastry square to form a frame. Prick pastry all over with fork.

Bake 15 minutes or until golden brown. Cool slightly on wire rack.

Meanwhile, toss apples with sugar, roasted cinnamon and nutmeg. Heat butter in a large skillet on medium-high heat until it just begins to brown. Add apples and cook for 2 minutes. Reduce heat to medium. Cook for an additional 10 to 15 minutes or until apples are tender, turning occasionally. Remove apples with slotted spoon to puff pastry, arranging apple slices in rows.

Cook remaining sugar mixture on medium heat until it begins to bubble. Add cream carefully (it might splatter!). Cook and stir until bubbly. Remove from heat. Stir in vanilla. Spoon caramel mixture over apples. Serve warm.

Monet

Anecdotes and Apple Cores

BBQ Pulled Chicken and Apple Coleslaw

Ryan and I went out without Lucy on Tuesday night. We went to our favorite restaurant in the Springs. I wore a fancy handmade dress. We ordered drinks and a goat cheese bruschetta to share. And then we fought.

We fought over little things and over big worries. I tried to pretend I was having fun, but I kept on thinking about Lucy and how badly I needed a cup of hot tea and a nap.

“I think you love the baby more than you love me,” I confessed halfway through my salad. Ryan put his sandwich down, reached his hand across the table, and told me, “I love you more than anything in the world.” And then we kept on fighting.

We walked around a quiet neighborhood and we wondered if we had made the right decision moving back to Colorado. We missed our friends in Austin, and we realized how unsettled we felt without the little creature who had been occupying our every day and night for the past two months. Eventually, Ryan took me in his arms and in that moment, with the mountains behind us, I realized that everything was okay. We are still very much in love.

But having a baby has meant that we bottle a lot more of our emotions while at home. Even though she can’t understand our words, we don’t want her to perceive stress or anger. And so I think that on our nights without her, instead of romance….frustration bubbles to the surface. And we realized on Tuesday night that this needed to change.

Because while we’re learning how to be parents we also need to learn how to be partners again. Lucy will need to see us fight. She’ll need to see us upset. Because most importantly, she needs to see us deal with our emotions positively. She needs to learn to fight well. She needs to learn to cope with stress. And hopefully, if we can manage conflict at home, we can have much more romantic evenings in the months to come.

Because our dinner on Tuesday was stressful, I wanted to make something extra delicious for dinner on Wednesday night. This BBQ pulled chicken and apple coleslaw was just what I hoped it would be. Healthy, easy, and quick to put together. Instead of a traditional mayo-laden coleslaw, I made a light and tangy apple cabbage salad. Slightly sweet with a bit of acid and heat, this coleslaw tastes much more sophisticated than what you normally scoop up at a picnic. The BBQ sauce for the chicken came together quickly with ingredients I had on hand. After baking in the oven for an hour, the chicken was fork tender and the sauce was brown and bubbly. Ryan and I had a hard time just eating one sandwich. This will be making the monthly rotation. No doubt.

BBQ Pulled Chicken

1 1/2 pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts

6 TBSP brown sugar, divided

1 teaspoon smoked paprika

1 teaspoon roasted garlic salt

1 teaspoon kosher salt, divided

1 teaspoon black pepper

1 cup ketchup

1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce

3 TBSP yellow mustard

2 TBSP apple cider vinegar

1 white onion, sliced thin

Apple Slaw

One bag coleslaw mix

One granny smith apple, finely grated or shredded

1 garlic clove, finely minced

2 TBSP red wine vinegar

2 heaping TBSP dijon mustard

1/4 cup olive oil

Salt and Pepper to taste

Chicken: In a small bowl, combine 2 TBSP brown sugar, smoked paprika, garlic salt, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and pepper. Rub spice mix over chicken breasts. In a small pot, combine 4 TBSP brown sugar, ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, mustard and apple cider vinegar. Heat on medium-low and stir for five minutes, or until warm. Place chicken in an 8 x 8 baking pan. Place sliced onions on top of chicken breasts and cover with sauce. Tightly cover pan with aluminum foil and bake in 325 degree Fahrenheit oven for one hour, or until chicken is no longer pink. Remove chicken from oven and either shred with two forks or shred in kitchen aid mixer (this is amazingly simple).

Coleslaw:

Combine coleslaw mix and shredded apple in a large bowl. In a small bowl, whisk together vinegar and mustard. Stir in garlic. Slowly drizzle in olive oil, whisking all the while. Pour dressing over coleslaw and stir to combine. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Monet

Anecdotes and Apple Cores

Banana, Cherry, and Roasted Cinnamon Bread Pudding

In learning what it means to be “mother,” I’m learning what it means to take pleasure in the most simple, most quiet moments. Like when I put Lucy on our bed and watch her lips form into a perfect circle. She sticks her tongue out, retracts it, and then smiles at me. No one is watching, and to most in our entertainment drenched society, such actions might be easily ignorable. And yet as a mother, a new mother, these small moments fill my body with an unmatched joy.

Everything takes longer now. Cooking dinner. Getting dressed. Reading a book. Writing a blog post. And so I’ve slowed down. And so I’m seeing these small moments much easier now.

Lately, we’ve sat on the porch in late evening. The ground is soaked from a storm still lingering on the horizon. Our dry Colorado air is finally thick with moisture and the three of us breathe it–Ryan and I deeply because we know how quickly it will pass. I am not exactly sure what we are looking for as we sit on our cracked concrete porch, but we find it. I can see it in the way our faces relax. The tension from a long day of crying and nursing and changing diapers dissipates.

I made this banana bread pudding on a rainy Saturday afternoon. As it stormed outside, Ryan held Lucy in his arms, and I cut up day-old French bread in our kitchen. I soaked cherries in rum, and I sliced bananas with my favorite paring knife. One thing every kitchen needs: a good paring knife. And I felt thankful for an hour to myself. I felt thankful that my daughter was in the room next to me. I felt thankful for day-old bread and ripe bananas. And when I pulled this from the oven a little later…we were all thankful for good recipes and Saturday evening desserts.

Banana, Cherry, and Roasted Cinnamon Bread Pudding

1/2 cup dried cherries
1 tablespoon rum
1 cup sugar
4 teaspoons McCormick® Gourmet Collection Roasted Saigon Cinnamon
4 eggs
3 teaspoons McCormick® Pure Vanilla Extract, divided
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 cups milk
7 cups challah, French or Italian bread cubes
2 ripe bananas, sliced
1 cup heavy cream

Preheat oven to 350°F. Mix cherries and rum in small bowl. Let stand 5 minutes. Mix sugar and cinnamon in small bowl. Reserve 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons of the sugar mixture.

Mix eggs, remaining sugar mixture, 2 teaspoons of the vanilla and salt in large bowl with wire whisk until well blended. Stir in milk until well blended. Add bread cubes and bananas; toss to coat well. Pour into greased 13×9-inch baking dish. Sprinkle cherries evenly over top. Sprinkle with 2 tablespoons of the reserved sugar mixture.

Bake 35 to 40 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean. Cool slightly on wire rack. Meanwhile, beat cream, remaining 1/4 cup sugar mixture and 1 teaspoon vanilla in medium bowl with electric mixer just until stiff peaks form. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Serve warm bread pudding with whipped cream.